Ashamed

It was her turn now. As she head towards Him, her feet were shaking in great motion. The person before her was someone she did not recognize. It was a man. That man did not have the guts to fight anymore. He had no excuse to give when asked the wrongs he had committed on earth. She saw him crying, not like a newborn baby but like a pathetic scoundrel grown man who lost his prized possession to some other guy. She did not feel sorry for him. From what she saw, this man had done so many terrible things during his life. He deserved it! But she did not what Lord had prepared for her. She was now feeling more weary after seeing the man fell while crossing the bridge. It was not a pretty sight. The depth of the hole was dark and deep and it was as far as the eye can see. There was a howling sound and it gave her goose bumps. The time was ticking although it looked as if the situation was timeless. She was feeling the warmth of hell. Its almost as if the flame had life of its own. It was terrifying for her to see as it was laughing. Most men and women had the ugliest and nastiest expressions on their faces. There were like monsters she had seen on television and movies. It was surreal. She did not really know what was going on. The only memory she had was the time when she was on her way to meet up with her friends for a cup of tea when a truck ran over her. Being ran over by a truck was not the worse part, the worser part was she skipped her asr' prayer just so she can meet her friends.

She stood there with her feet still trembling. She kept thinking to herself that the worse is yet to come. This kind of reminded her of the time when she waited for her exam results to be released. She thought that she could have done better during the exam and extra effort would not have hurt. When the result was out, she was a little upset because she was dissatisfied with the outcome. She kept telling herself quietly, "Ergh, this is not fair..I had put more effort compared to my colleagues!!" Why God? Why!!? Who was she blaming? Was she blaming Lord for her unfortunate fate? That thought bothered her for a quite some time. She later decided to cool it off.

She actually overheard some of the questions being asked to the man before. This man had the richest of the world, everyone knew him, he was a typical snob who likes to show off his belongings to humans. He had everything wrapped around his waist. He had power and he had the authority to change the world. He had the authority to stop what was wrong and what was sinful. Being arrogant that he was, he walked the grounds as if he owned it. Lord was definitely not polite to him, he was treated with anguish and such dismay. When Lord asked him why didn't he perform the daily prayer? He was dumbfounded. Sounded like a very straight forward question but he was unable to give answers at that instant. His answers were he was busy with making money and dealing with plenty of clients locally and internationally. He had his 3 mobile phones with him around the clock. He is so forever dead she thought. His excuse was not taken positively by Mighty God.

Lord then asked that man if he had helped the poor and the needy. He tried to come up with a lie by saying that he did help the poor but somehow his mouth just could not move. He then realizes that all his body parts was way beyond his control. He had no power anymore. On earth, he could get away with everything by lying and covering up the truth. This was totally different. This time it was Lord who had all the control and has always been like that ever since. Then, his mouth told against him. Eventually, ALL his body parts began to become his foe. He had nothing to protect him. He was alone. She was shocked to this as this did not seem logical to the human mind but after seeing what she saw, she had to approved. She must.

Before the man was "finished", his good deeds and sins were measured. Obviously, after listening the man's hearings, surely his sins would outweigh his good deeds. He was later taken away by two fearsome angels who dragged him mercilessly to hell. The questioning had begun. She was sure that she would end up just like the man. She started sobbing slowly..then her breath was becoming more and more heavy. Just as she would if she was being chased by a ghost. Tears started running on her cracked face. She did not understand why she was crying. Was she being resentful or was she being stubborn? Perhaps, the idea that she won't be able to get away from it all made her moaned. If only she had the character of an obedient person, she would not be in this mess, she thought.

She kept telling herself that she would change one day. She would change her ways. Cover up her negative past with all good deeds and leave her bad habits for what was more real. But she never came to achieve those things. She would swap worldly magazines instead of exchanging Islamic books. She often let her friends gets the best of her and would rather let The Lord's wrath strikes. She skipped so many of her Islamic duties just so she can make her friends happy. By the time she knew it. She was buried six feet under. How was she supposed to know if her time was up? Nobody does BUT the signs were there for everyone to take notice but somehow there were often overlooked. She blurry remembered taking her first baby steps and how she played on the sand with her parents. The images of her, her laughter, her tears, the boyfriends she had, the times she wasted, the useless talks and endless arguments were rolling in front of her.

She didn't quite catch the death signs. Her vision started to get blurry by the time she reached nineteen and thats when she knew she needed glasses. Sometimes, she would bumped into her childhood friends and most of the time, she would not know what their names but their faces were awfully familiar. She also kept rephrasing her sentences back to front and from front to the back. There were times when she fell sick. Her temperature would rise over the rooftop and she would not have the appetite to munch any crunch bars or take a sip of frosty freeze. She would lay in her bed tucked in with thick blankets and packets of ice over her head. She just never took the time to ponder of the "what ifs" as her mind were already preoccupied with what shoes, bags to buy next month and amongst many other things.

So many things she would do if a chance was given to her. But reminders from both The Qur'an and Allah's Apostle came knocking so many times but she never seemed to care. I promise to be good, I promise to be pious and I promise to be the most obedient servant that ever walked the earth. If only she had listened. Promises were something she used as a vehicle to achieve her hidden thoughts both to the Creator and to humans. When she was lying sick on her bed, she promised to Allah that if she recovered from the sickness she was suffering, she would visit the Holy City of Mecca (Umrah). As expected, when her doa' was answered, she acted as if she never had made promises to The All Magnificent and that she was never sick.

Humans, they made promises to Allah and with their kind but only few kept them. If it was a promise which would lead to hell then there is no use of keeping them but it was a promise that would lead her closer to him then by all means necessary, fulfill them. Lord mentioned so many times how promises (good ones) are meant to be kept and not broken but sometimes surroundings alter situations and could that be of a good excuse to leave those promises. Certainly not. These thoughts were playing inside her head. She felt like it was taking ages for her to reach Him. She was never that excited to see Him anyway...